Foles-Fever Hits Philadelphia

Posted: November 26, 2013 in Uncategorized

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Today, Philadelphia Eagles coach Chip Kelly officially named Nick Foles the starting quarterback for the remainder of the season. In other similarly exciting news, man landed on the Moon in 1969, the moors invaded Spain in the 8th century, and Notre Dame is wildly overrated at everything they’ve ever done.

Clearly, this news doesn’t come as a surprise to anyone who has been alive and conscious the last eight weeks. Foles, 24, has tied the record for touchdowns passed in one game (7), set the record for highest QB rating in one month (152.8 in November), and broken the record for most panties soiled at Lincoln Financial Field (indeterminate, but probably thousands).

With 16 touchdowns and 0 interceptions, the former Arizona Wildcat has been the City of Brotherly Love’s anti-Vick. After two+ seasons of turnovers, bad reads, and stalled drives; Philadelphia is basking in the dazzling stardom that has been bestowed upon their new franchise quarterback. Foles has succeeded where Vick failed. That is, turning the often vociferous city of Philadelphia into a town of starstruck teenagers.

You’ve heard of Bieber-fever; the condition known to turn 16-year old girls into hypnotized sociopaths at the whim of a effeminate looking Canadian “musical artist.” Well, Philadelphia has caught their own strain of the virus. Foles-fever has hit just west of Jersey and it is contagious. Doctors are reporting that every Sunday, the fever spreads like disease at a truck stop men’s room.

Will this young star bring an end to Philadelphia’s long Super Bowl drought? Or, like many before him, will Nick Foles fall short of saving a city turned sour from decades of despair? Over the next five weeks, these questions will come closer to being answered.

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